


Vriska of the Caribbean

by Anon_H



Series: everyone: watch Disney [4]
Category: Disney - Fandom, Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Gen, Image Heavy, Movie Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps it was a bad idea to inform Vriska of a popular human pirate movie......</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vriska of the Caribbean

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--

AG: John????????  
AG: Joooooooohn.  
AG: Stop playing around with your weird grandlusus sprite and respond already.  
EB: hey vriska.  
AG: Sheeeeeeeesh finally. Took you long enough.  
EB: yeah, sorry about that.  
EB: nanna thought i was in desperate need of a boatload of cookies. A literal boatload of cookies.  
EB: you know how grandparents or…..grandlussusses? are.  
AG: We don’t have whatever it is you’re talking a8out.  
EB: oh, alright then.  
EB: anyway, what did you want to talk about?  
AG: Weeeeeeeell…… 8eing the culturally sensitive troll that I am, I decided to join my team’s stream of a human movie.  
AG: in an effort to 8etter understand your strange human culture.  
EB: oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.  
AG: It really wasn’t.  
EB: oh.  
EB: did you watch Ghost Rider? because that is the only Nicholas Cage movie I have trouble defending.  
EB: I mean I love the idea of Nic Cage being a crime fighting vigilante, riding a hellbike and having a burning skull for a head, but the movie itself was just all over the place.  
AG: No, Mr Cage wasn’t in the movie….. Though it would have 8een a gr8 improvement.  
EB: hahahahahahahaha i know right? Every movie would be better with him in it.   
AG: I thiiiiiiiink it was called 8eauty tames the 8east?  
EB: oh, you mean Beauty and the Beast. Oh man, I can’t imagine you watching that.  
EB: you don’t seem like the type to enjoy girly movies.  
AG: It lost its novelty of 8eing a human film reeeeeeeeeally fast.  
AG: With all the singing and dancing, and 8ullshit stories talking a8out love and forgiveness.  
AG: I am not a wriggler John, I don’t neeeeeeeed all that crap.  
EB: well they were kinda popular back on earth. I remember watching them when I was a kid.  
EB: dad made me sit through all kinds of Disney movies; Aladin, Lion King, Rescuers, the list goes on.  
AG: Did you like them?  
EB: at the time, probably. it’s been years since I watched one of those movies so I can’t really tell.  
AG: Seeeeeeeee? All those movies are just for wrigglers and stupid idiots.  
AG: We are muuuuuuuuch to mature for that.  
EB: haha, i guess. I mean, technically there was another more recent Disney movie I kinda liked, but I don’t think it counts.  
AG: What!?  
AG: John, do you like immature movies made for stupid wrigglers?  
EB: no, no, this was a good movie, you would have liked it.   
EB: it had pirates, treasures, swordfights, zombies, it was awesome!  
EB: and it wasn’t animated at all.  
AG: WH8T!!!!!!!!  
AG: John, it is of the gr8est importance that we watch that movie this instant!  
AG: You can’t withhold such information from me!  
EB: Oh wauw, having a movie marathon with you sounds awesome.  
EB: I kinda expected we’d watch Nic Cage movies though. I really want to show you National Treasure.  
AG: Well then you shouldn’t have 8rought up the awesome movie a8out pirates!!!!!!!!  
AG: Can you start up the stream?  
EB: I’m downloading the movie right now.  
EB: completely legally of course.  
AG: John, I am snoring!   
AG: How long do you think it’ll take to set up?  
EB: just a bit.  
AG: Alright, I’ll invite some of the others. Just to show we pick the most awesome movies.  
EB: alright, but I don’t know any of the others so that might be a bit awkward.  
EB: except Karkat…… and I suppose I kinda know Terezi.  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease, as if I am going to invite Karkat to a moviestream.  
AG: That’s one guy that’ll turn everything in a self-inflicted disaster.  
EB: well I think he’s funny.  
EB: he gets angry all the time and it’s really great to see just what kind of insult he thinks of next.  
AG: Your species is soooooooo weird John.  
EB: look who’s talking. i’m not the one with horns and a grey skin.  
AG: Which is exactly why you are weeeeeeeeird.  
EB: blar, whatever. go invite your friends already.  
EB: i’ll set up the stream.  
AG: Alright, 8r8.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]\--

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

AG: heeeeeeeey sister ::::)  
GC: H3Y SP1D3RTROLL.  
AG: Want to watch a movie with me????????  
GC: HMMMMMM………. N4H.  
AG: Oh c8me on!!!!!!!!  
AG: I’ve 8een on my 8est 8ehavior since we watched that last movie and you watch stupid movies for wrigglers with Vantas all the time!!!!!!!!  
AG: And I’ve just found an awesome movie we just haaaaaaaave to see.  
GC: UGH, YOUR 4LR34DY ST4RT1NG YOUR STUP1D DR4M4.  
GC: YOU’R3 L1K3 4 4DOR4BL3 L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R WHO 1SN’T 4LLOW3D TO PL4Y W1TH H3R F4VOR1T3 TOY.  
AG: Fine. See if I care.  
AG: I am soooooooo not going to 8eg you to watch a movie a8out pirates with me.  
AG: I can watch that movie with John just fine.  
CG: OH? YOU 4R3 W4TCH1NG 1T W1TH 4 HUM4N?  
AG: Yeah. What’s it to you????????  
CG: TH3Y 4R3 SO MUCH FUN TO M3SS W1TH >:]  
CG: BUT HRMMMM……….  
AG: What now?  
CG: 1 PROM1S3D TH3 OR4NG3 CR34MC1CL3 D4V3 1 W4SN’T GO1NG TO M3SS W1TH H1S H34D.  
AG: 8ig deal. You’re watching a movie, not trying to kill him.  
AG: I think…..  
AG: You 8etter n8t try and kill my human Pyrope!!!!!!!!  
AG: You so m8ch as think of touching J8hn I’ll make sure your human will regret it!!!!!!!!  
CG: 4LR1GHT. K1LL1NG H1M ONC3 W4S 3NOUGH.  
CG: 1’LL W4TCH YOUR L4M3 MOV13 FOR L4M3 P3OPL3 W1TH YOU, L4M3ST OF 4LL L4M3 P3OPL3.  
CG: JUST SO 1 C4N M3SS W1TH JOHN.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiine.  
AG: 8ut you keep your bony little claws off him!  
CG: F1N3.  
AG: I’ll invite you when we start.  
CG: 4LR1GHT TH3N.  
CG: TRY NOT TO CRY 4T TH1S MOV13.  
AG: I W8SN’T CR8ING!!!!!!!!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]\--

AG: Taaaaaaaavros  
AT: oH, uHM,,,,, hEY  
AT: i AM NOT SURE IF i WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW,,,,,  
AG: And whyyyyyyyy wouldn’t you want to talk to me?  
AT: lOOK, IF THIS IS ABOUT UHM, nOT WANTING TO WATCH pUPA pAN WITH YOU, i GUESS i KINDA APOLOGIZE,  
AT: iT’S NOT LIKE MY VOTE WOULD HAVE HELPED MUCH, cONSIDERING IT WAS UNANIMOUS, bUT i DIDN’T WANT TO RISK YOU UHM, bULLYING ME OR UHM, sOURING THE MOVIE FOR ME,  
AT: i UHM, HOPE YOU’RE NOT MAD,  
AG: Oh Tavros I was veeeeeeeery disappointed when you said you didn’t want to watch Pupa Pan with me.  
AT: yOU WERE?  
AT: i MEAN, i’M SORRY,  
AG: 8ut it’s all water under the 8ridge if you agree to watch this next movie with me.  
AG: You DO want to watch a movie with me, don’t you Pupaaaaaaaaa?????????  
AT: uHM, sURE, i SUPPOSE,,,,  
AT: wELL, wHAT IS IT ABOUT?  
AG: Pirates ;;;;)   
AT: oH, wELL THAT SOUNDS KINDA COOL i GUESS,  
AT: aND IF IT MEANS YOU WONT BE MAD AT ME THEN, sURE, i’LL GLADLY WATCH THE PIRATE MOVIE WITH YOU,  
AG: Yeeeeeeees.  
AG: Ok, I’ll invite you once we start.  
AT: tHAT UHM, sOUNDS GOOD,  
AG: Alright then Pupa, see you in a bit.  
AT: rIGHT, lATER,

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]\--

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--

AG: Psssssssst Kanaaaaaaaaya  
AG: Want to watch a movie with me? ;;;;)  
GA: To What Do I Owe The Pleasure Of Receiving Such An Invitation  
AG: Well duuuuuuuuh, you’re my moirail and I want to watch a movie with you.  
AG: When was the last time we did something fun together????????  
GA: When Indeed  
AG: Come oooooooon.  
AG: You have some time to kill, I have a fun movie, what is the pro8lem?  
GA: What Indeed  
GA: One Would Almost Suspect We Are Having A Disagreement  
AG: Is that wh8t is happening?????????!  
GA: You Tell Me  
AG: Well do you….. I dunno, want to jam a8out it?  
AG: If you’re upset a8out something and need to get it out I’ll just tell John we’ll watch the movie later.  
GA: Hmmmm  
AG: Come on Kanaya, I am giving up watching a pirate movie now!!!!!!!!  
AG: At least give me some feed8ack!  
GA: I Was Unaware You Had Taken The Liberty To Invite One Of The Humans To The Stream  
GA: This Might Actually Prove To Be The Perfect Opportunity To Put The Experience We Gained To The Test  
AG: So you’ll watch the movie with me????????  
GA: I Believe I Shall  
AG: Yeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8est moirail.  
AG: No worries Fussyfangs, we’ll definitely sort out whatever’s 8othering you later.  
AG: I’ll round up some more chumps for the stream and send you an invite when we get started!

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--

GA: Sigh  
GA: How Do I Tell Her Something Like This

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

AG: Amporaaaaaaaa  
CA: Wwell look wwhat the meowwbeast dragged in.  
CA: Must be a cold day in hell for you to actually come to me.  
CA: To wwhat do i owwe this pleasure Mindfang?  
AG: Oh save it, I am soooooooo not in the mood to deal with that 8s right now.  
AG: You, a 8unch of other losers, John and me.   
AG: Pirate movie.  
AG: Let’s do this.  
CA: wwith wwenches and scallywwags?  
AG: With 8uccaneers and 8ooty.  
CA: Alright, Im in. But only because it’s a pirate movvie and you can’t go wwrong wwith that shit.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiinally. Someone I do not have to 8lackmail to get to watch a goddamn movie with me.  
AG: It’s pretty much the only thing you got going for you Ampora; you understaaaaaaaaand how 8ad-ass pirates are.  
CA: Wwhat kinda savvage doesn’t understand that?  
CA: Just invvite me wwhen you streamin starts.  
AG: Alright, see you in a bit.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]\--

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]\--

AG: Oh princeeeeeeeess  
CC: Glub?  
AG: Movie, five minutes.  
AG: Invite your dorky boyfriend.  
CC: Oh R---EELLY? T)(at’s a great idea!  
AG: Yes. I alwaaaaaaaays have the 8est ideas.  
CC: )(ee)(ee. 

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo; PIRATES ARE 8AD-ASS--

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--  
\--adiosToreador [AT]  joined memo--  
\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  joined memo--  
\--caligulasAquarium [CA]  joined memo--  
\--cuttlefishCuller [CC]  joined memo--  
\--twinArmageddons [TA]  joined memo--  
TA: oh my god, of cour2e you planned for eiight people to be here.  
AG: John, let’s get this party started!!!!!!!!  
EB: i just finished downloading a minute ago.  
EB: oh, also hi everyone. i’m John; one of the last jedi.  
GA: I Had Previously Assumed Your Species Were Called Human  
EB: we are also Jedi.  
EB: our species was locked in permanent combat with the Sith Lords.  
GA: Interesting  
AT: i UHM, wATCHED YOUR VERSION OF pUPA pAN. i WAS QUITE IMPRESSED.  
EB: what, you mean like Peter Pan?  
AT: i GUESS,  
EB: what a cool alien name for him.  
CA: Wwhat the fuck? Wwhat is this guy doin here?  
TA: What the fuck? What ii2 thii2 douchebag doiing here?  
EB: me?  
CA: no, THIS FUCKER.  
TA: no thii2 braiindead a22hole!!  
CC: Buoys, come on.  
CA: vvris, you said nothin about invviting this asshole.  
AG: Tooooooootally slipped my mind.  
TA: ugh….. do ii have to deal wiith hii2 whiiniing through the entiire moviie?  
TA: ii’m ju2t here becau2e ff dragged me along.   
EB: uhm….. is this some of those alien hateflings Karkat told me about?  
TA: Yeah, he fuckiing wii2hes.  
GC: OH 1’M SUR3 K4RK4T TOLD YOU 4LL 4BOUT TH4T.  
EB: oh. hi terezi…….*suspicious glaring*  
GC: NO N33D FOR THOS3 SUSP1C1OUS LOOKS MR 3GB3RT HUM4N J3D1.  
GC: 1 H4V3 SOL3MNLY SWORN NOT TO M3SS W1TH YOUR UND3RD3V3LOPP3D HUM4N BR41N.  
GC: OR 4T L34ST, NOT B3YOND R3P41R.  
EB: that’s…….good?  
CA: vvris I’m not wwatching a movvie wwith this asshole.  
TA: Well back at you, you 2ack of 2hiit.  
CA: mustardblood!  
TA: Arrogant diick!!  
CC: Glub….. Can someone make s)(ore t)(ese two wont krill eac)( ot)(er?  
CA: wwell he fuckin started it.  
AG: Alright that does it!!!!!!!!  
AG: John, can you make sure these two FUCKING wrigglers don’t ver8ally murder each other?  
GC: WH4T?  
GA: What  
CC: W)(at?  
AT: wHAT?  
CA: wwhat!?  
TA: what??  
EB: uhm, I guess I can try?  
GA: John  
GA: Are You Certain You Are Qualified For This  
GA: Vriska Why Would You Let A Complete Stranger Auspistice For This Tumultuous Couple  
EB: auspiwhatnow?  
AG: Ok, first of all; he’s noooooooot a complete stranger. He’s John.  
TA: That doe2n’t iin2piire me wiith confiidence.  
CA: wwell, for once wwe agree on something.  
CA: I don’t EVVEN wwant a fuckin auspistice.  
AG: Second, it’s only for the sake of the moooooooovie.  
AG: We are not going to enjoy it if theeeeeeeese two start hatesnogging when they think no one is watching.  
AT: sO A TEMPORARY AUSPISTICE? iSN’T THAT KIND OF UHM,,,,,  
GA: Risque  
AT: rIGHT,  
AG: He’s a human, he doesn’t care.  
CA: i do  
TA: we don’t care about you eiither.  
AG: And finally…….. 8ecause we all know what a chaaaaaaaarmer Ampora is……..  
AG: He’s the only one impartial enough to do it.  
CC: O)(, th)(at’s a good point.  
CA: wwhat  
TA: oh come on!!  
EB: uhm….. is it such a big deal that I stop these two from fighting?  
AG: Nah, not all.  
CA: it really kinda FUCKIN is!  
TA: really, thii2 2hiit wiill faiil so fuckiing hard ii’d be laughiing iif iit diidn’t mean ii had to 2hare a quadrant wiith thiis piiece of 2hiit.  
EB: yellowtextguy. What is your name?  
EB: you really shouldn’t call purpletextguy a piece of shit like that.   
TA: wonderful, he doe2n’t even know my name.  
CC: )(is name is SOLLUX and )(e can be a LITTL----E touc)(y sometimes.  
CC: T)(e buoy wit)( the purple text is called Eridan.  
EB: Alright, I think I can remember that.  
AG: Just make sure these two don’t ruuuuuuuuin it for every8ody else with their fighting.  
EB: is this some weird alien culture rites of passage kind of thing?   
EB: Cause that would be sooooooo sweet.  
AG: It is almost exactly like that.   
EB: alright   
EB: then I’ll just give them a stern talking to if they start insulting each other again and earn my place in your tribe :B  
GA: This Shall Prove To Be A Most Interesting Experience For All Of Us John  
EB: haha, thanks. I hope so.

GC: SO NO CL4SS1C D1SN3Y T1TL3 SCR33N?  
EB: yeah, see…..  
EB: in true spirit of the movie I may have….sorta pirated the movie?  
EB: so I am not sure if the original movie kept the opening or if this version skipped out on it.  
GC: G4SP!  
GC: SUCH 4 CR1M1N4L OFF3NS3 JOHN HUM4N JED1 3GB3RT!  
AG: Who wants to 8et that kid grows up to 8e the protagonist?  
GA: I Would Be Inclined To Believe So   
GA: Otherwise This Scene Would Be Rather Pointless  
CA: This is what happens wwhen landdwwellers enter the ocean  
CA: I mean, wwe saww in the little mermaid that king Triton doesnt really bother defendin his oceans, but still.  
TA: of cour2e, here we go wiith the 2eadwelliing thiing.  
CC: W)(at’s wrong with seadwellers?  
TA: Nothiing, nothiing. when you do iit, iit’2 adorable.  
CC: Daaaw, T)(ANKS.  
CA: ugh.  
AT: sO UHM, hOW DID HE SURVIVE THE WHOLE SHIP BURNING THING?  
EB: Only the greybeards of High H’rotghar know, but they were too busy training the Dovahkiin to appear in the movie.  
AT: oH,  
AT: tHAT’S DISAPPOINTING,  
AT:,,,,,,, AT: wHAT’S A dOVAHKIIN?

AG: Ugh, I hope we get a timeskip soon.  
AG: These childactors are hoooooooorri8le.  
GA: I Assume That For Their Age They Put Up An Admirable Performance  
GA: However  
GA: It Is Quite Dreadful Indeed  
CA: that does look like a vvery swweet piece of pirate blin though  
CC: Don’t you t)(ink you have ---ENOUGH?  
CA: uhm…. wwell….  
TA: yeah fii2hbreath.  
CA: wwell, if YOU put it like that, a seadwweller can never havve enough jewwelry.  
CA: I thought fef wwould sympathize.  
TA: oh 2he would. iif 2he wa2 a 2hallow, materiialii2tiic douche.  
EB: is this the part where I have to remind sollux that he shouldn’t pick on eridan?  
GC: OH MY GOD, TH1S 1S GONN4 B3 H1L4R1OUS.   
AT: gEESH jOHN,,,, yOU DO KNOW HOW TO AUSPISTIZE, rIGHT?  
EB: if by that you mean, stop those two from fighting, then I guess?  
EB: watch me, by the end of the movie these two are going to be best friends :B  
TA: ok, that ii2 actually the 2cariie2t thiing ii have heard iin my entiire liife.

AG: THANK GOD, we get some decent actors.  
AG: 8y which I mean, they damn well 8etter 8e decent actors.  
GC: 4ND SH3 K3PT TH3 P13C3 OF P1R4T3 BL1NG.  
AT: i AM SURE THAT GOLD COIN THING WILL NOT BE IMPORTANT WHATSOEVER,  
EB: hah  
AT: wHAT?  
GC: SO 1S SH3 OUR PROT4GON1ST?  
GC: C4US3 SH3 S33MS L1K3 4 BOR3.

GA: I Do Like That The Obligatory Father Figure Has An Established Interest In Fashion  
GA: So Much So That He Had That New Piece Shipped A Place Called London  
EB: oh, London is a different planet altogether.   
GA: I Thought Humans Had Not Reached The Stage Of Interplanetary Travel   
GA: I Also Assumed That They Were The Only Species In Their Universe  
GA: Yet You Mentioned Sith Lords Earlier  
EB: oh they were masters of the dark arts  
EB: they basically wanted to eliminate everyone who wasn’t ‘of pure blood’ and kept trying to resurrect their leader, Voldermort.  
EB: Adult Humans who didn’t take care of the children were sent into space to combat the sith, but they could only be truly defeated if they brought the tesseract to planet Mordor.   
GA: That Is Rather Overwhelming  
EB: we are a complicated species  
EB: (hehehehe)  
AT: wHAT WAS THAT?  
CC: W)(at was w)(at???  
AT: jOHN WAS CHUCKLING LIKE; hEHEHEHE  
GC: 1’M PR3TTY SUR3 W3 WOULD H4V3 NOT1C3D 1F H3 D1D.  
AT: hUH,,,, wEIRD,  
CA: is anyone going to comment on this human wwig?

GC: 3ST4BL1SH1NG TH3 CH4R4CT3R OF TH3 L1TTL3 BOY, NOW GROWN UP TO B3 4 BL4ND LOOK1NG M41N CH4R4CT3R WHO KNOWS HOW TO B4L4NC3 4 SWORD ON H1S F1NG3R.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT TH1S W4S GO1NG TO B3 4N 3XC1T1NG P1R4T3 MOV13.  
AG: Hey, don’t look 8t me!!!!!!!!!  
CC: So w)(at WILL the movie be about?  
EB: oh there will be pirates, don’t worry.  
TA: we’re not even fiive miinute2 iinto the moviie and ii’m already bored.  
CA: that’s because you havve the attention span of a nutcreature.   
TA: Oh, we’re 2tartiing thii2 agaiin?  
CC: buoys…..  
EB: come on guys, knock it off.   
CA: hmph.  
GA: I Fear John Might Not Be As Capable An Auspistice As You Had Hoped  
AG: Give it a 8it. He’ll get the hang of it in no time!!!!!!!!  
AT: nO, kANAYA IS RIGHT, tHAT WAS PRETTY UH, pATHETIC.   
EB: hey come on. I promised you I’d make these two act like best friends.  
CC: I R—E—ELLY like your ent)(ousiasm Jo)(n  
CC: but t)(ese two guppies MIG)(T just be KELPLESS.  
CA: I told ya; I don’t wwant a FUCKIN auspistice in the first place!   
EB: aaw, just give it a shot eridan :(   
TA: iif ii have to piick between JE or your con2tant hatefliirtiing, ii choo2e JE.  
EB: so he’s hateflirting with you……  
TA: and the award for the mo2t a2tute ob2ervatiion..  
EB: does that mean I’m actually cockblocking him?  
GA: Yes  
GA: This Is Briefly Summarized Exactly What Is Expected Of An Auspistice  
GA: You Need To Prevent Them From Falling Into The Caliginous Quadrant By Effectively As You Put It Cockblocking Them  
EB: aliens sure are weird.

GC: MOR3 EST4BL1SH1NG CH4R4CT3RS, D34R GOG.  
GC: L3T TH3M 4LL W34R S1GNS SO W3 KNOW WHO TH3S3 P3OPL3 4R3, S4V3 US TH3 TROUBL3.  
GA: That Sounded Very Odd Coming From You  
GC: 1 KNOW. 1 M1GHT M1SS K4RK4T 4 L1TTL3.   
GC: 1T JUST 1SNT TH3 S4M3 W1THOUT H1S R4NT1NG 4ND MO4N1NG.  
AG: When are we 8tually getting some pirate action in this movie?  
TA: well, becau2e you’re 2uch a paragon of patiience we ju2t 2kiipped the fiive miinute mark.  
AG: That is fiiiiiiiive minutes we SHOULD have spend watching pirate stuff.  
CA: seriously, am I still the only one bothered by this fuckin wwig?  
GA: I Was Paying More Attention To Elizabeths Planet London Dress  
CC: It looks pretty LAM---E   
GA: It Looks Quite Lovely  
CC: O)(  
GA: Oh  
CC: S)(ell, t)(is is awkward.  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Then Again I Do Not Expect You To Have Anything Beyond The Most Basic Understanding Of Fashion The Designing Thereof Or Related Activities  
CC: PL---EASE, you’ll find I pretty muc)( DICTATED w)(at was considered fas)(ionable on Alternia  
TA: do not care  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease don’t drag us into a fashion-off  
EB: is a fashion-off an actual alien thing?  
AT: nO, nO IT ISN’T,  
EB: well it should be.

AG: Who is this suave 8uccaneer?  
EB: that would be captain jack sparrow  
TA: ii 2tiill feel uncomfortable whenever ii hear that fiir2t name.  
AG: Fiiiiiiiinally we’re getting some proper r8ping, pillaging and murdering.  
GA: Vriska Dear  
GA: Despite Your Enthusiasm I Feel Compelled To Remind You This Is A Disney Film  
AG: Your point?  
GC: TH4T 1 DON’T TH1NK TH3R3 W1LL B3 4NY R4P1NG NUMBNUTS  
AG: Aaaaaaaaw  
EB: uhm, is that a bad thing?  
GA: Not Really  
AG: Of course it is!!!!!!!!  
CA: wwhat kind of balls does it take to sail a sinkin ship like that?  
CA: honestly, that is so stupidly awwesome I can’t believve I nevver thought of that  
TA: yeah, becau2e your hiive wa2n’t seaworthy to begiin wiith a22hole  
AT: hE MUST BE UH, rEALLY CONFIDENT IN HIS ABILITY TO COMMAND A SHIP, tO GUIDE IT INTO THE HARBOR WHILE UNABLE TO STEER IT.  
GC: TH4T DO3SN’T SOUND CONF1D3NT BUT K1ND OF S1LLY WH3N YOU PUT 1T L1K3 TH4T.  
AT: oH  
GC: ST1LL, 1T’S 4 R34LLY B4D-4SS 3NTRY 1NTO TH3 MOV13

GA: What Is With These Incredibly Goofy Outfits  
GA: What Manner Of Sadists Makes Military Men Wear Tights  
CA: And those FUCKIN wwigs!  
CA: if this is the standard outfit oh human military they don’t command respect. it makes me wwant to point and laugh at these stupid earth mammals.  
TA: iimagiine that; 2omethiing we actually agree on.  
EB: haha, I am not even going to defend those outfits. They are pretty bad.  
EB: then again they áre british :B  
AT: i DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,

GC: 1 C4N’T T3LL WH3TH3R OR NOT H3’S V3RY STUP1D OR V3RY CL3V3R FOR S1MPLY T3LL1NG TH3M H3 1NT3NDS TO ST34L TH4T SH1P…..  
EB: well, that’s kind of the point.   
GA: It Defies Basic Logic To Inform People Of Your Ill Intentions Therefore They Assume He Speaks In Jest  
AG: I 8et Pyrope can appreciate that.  
GC: 1T’S 4 BLUFF WORTHY OF 4 PROP3R M1ND PL4Y3R.  
GC: 1 L1K3 TH1S D4SH1NG ROGU3  
AG: He IS pretty dreamy……..  
GC: W3LL, H3 C3RT41NLY SM3LLS N1C3.  
AG: His incredibly sexy look.  
GC: H1S QU1CK W1T.  
AG: The f8ct that he keeps his shirt open juuuuuuuust enough to be sed8ctive, like he’s d8ring you to r8p it off.  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
AT: uHM,,,,,,  
TA: oh god…… fef, why diid you even iinviite me?  
CC: Because it’s FUN seally.  
TA: ye2, watchiing 2erket and pyrope drool over thii2 FIICTIIONAL human piirate ii2 iincrediibly fun.  
TA: by whiich ii mean iincrediibly tediiou2.  
CC: Hmmmmmmm………  
CC: I wonder if Mr Sparrow needs a qualified R—EAR ADMIRAL.  
TA: and fuck my liife.

GC: “4ND TO SHOW WH4T 4N 1MPOT3NT P4RT OF TH1S LOV3 TR14NGL3 1 4M, 1 W1LL COMPL3T3LY 1GNOR3 YOU B31NG 1N P41N UNT1LL YOU F4LL FROM TH3 FORT W4LL.”  
GA: I Believe Karkat Would At This Point Bring Attention To The Fact That This Fellow Is Only Here To Provide Fuel For A Love Triangle With Elizabeth  
AG: Fuck, it’s the closest we’ve got to an action scene thus far.

CC: DON’T WORRY. IT’S JACK TO T)(E R-----ESCU----E!!  
TA: fef ii am riight next to you. plea2e 2top yelliing!!  
CC: But look at how ROMANTIC this looks!!!!  
GA: I Assumed Miss Elizabeth Was Already Involved In A Love Triangle With The Commodore and William  
GA: Do You Suggest This Becomes A Love Quadrangle With Jacks Involvement?  
AT: nAH, tHEY wOULDN’T,,,, wOULD THEY?   
AT: i MEAN, eLIZABETH DOESN’T SEEM ALL THAT uHM,,,,, iNTERESTING?  
CA: I wwonder if that shockwwavve coming from the medallion wwhen it touched the wwater wwill be important somehoww.   
GC: 1T’S PROB4BLY NOTH1NG.

CA: wwait, Im lost.   
CA: first the stupid wwig wwants to shoot him but wwhen its revealed he’s a pirate he wwants to hang him?  
CA: wwhat sense does that make?  
GC: H4NG1NG 1S MUCH MOR3 DR4M4T1C >:]  
TA: well ii2n’t he grateful to the guy who re2cued hii2 only daughter.  
TA: fuckiing hiighblood2.  
CC: Sollux!  
TA: what? you know ii am not talkiing about you.  
CC: It’s still RUD----E. 

TA: yeah that2 great, turn your back on the conviicted piirate and the riich girl. That’ll work out great for all partiie2 iinvolved.  
AG: YES! Finally this story is getting good!!!!!!!!  
AG: Come on Jack, do someth8ng piratey; 8urn the town, take their gold, shag their 8irds, do iiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!  
EB: no, I am with eridan here, that was pretty stupid of the guards.  
TA: ii’m 2ollux you diip2hiit.  
EB: ah sorry. Still getting the hang of your names.  
TA: god, ii don’t liike having you iin my a2hen quadrant, even for ninety miinute2 to begiin wiith.  
TA: at lea2t learn our name2 a22hole.  
EB: wait. quadrants?   
EB: that romance stuff Karkat was ranting about? Is that whats happening?  
GC: Y34H H3 WOULD R4NT 4BOUT TH4T TO 4 HUM4N.  
GC: 1T PROB4BLY W4S 4LL K1NDS OF H1L4R1OUS.  
EB: hehe yeah.  
EB: i just didn’t know that this whole, cockblocking/peacekeeping thing was also considered romantic.  
CC: It’s a bit difficult y—ea)(  
CC: and this IS a very weird situation.  
EB: so this is a romantic thing that only lasts for the duration of the movie? is that normal?  
AT: wELL,,,, iT’S KINDA SHORT, eVEN FOR ASHEN STANDARDS.   
GA: The Ashen Quadrant Is Very Rarely Romantic And More Often Than Not A Pairing Of Convenience  
EB: soooo no kissing or other stuff like that?  
GA: I  
GA: Well There Are No Rules Against It I Suppose  
CA: you nevver kissed ME, kan.  
GA: Quiet  
CC: do you still t)(ink you’re up for it jo)(n?  
CC: trust me, I KNOW how ex)(austing t)(ese two are when t)(ey’re toget)(er, so I completely understand if its too muc)(.   
EB: actually if i only have to make sure they get along i think it’ll be just fine.  
EB: if it was super romantic or something like that, i probably would just get out while I could :B  
EB: though dating a sexy female alien played by Zoe Saldana or Milla Jovovich sounds super cool, like some sort of crazy sci-fi movie.   
EB: if Sollux and Eridan don’t have issue with me playing their referee I’ll do it. I am not sure how sensitive this quadrant is with them.  
TA: actually ye2. ii take i22ue wiith iit.  
CA: really guys? you’re letting this fuckin human auspistice for us?  
AG: We have no issue with you auspisticing for them.  
GA: I See No Problems In This Scenario  
CC: PLEAS----E make shore t)(ey don’t get in any trouble.  
AT: i THINK IT’S FOR THE BEST, aCTUALLY,,,  
GC: KNOCK YOURS3LF OUT.  
TA: fuck you guy2!!  
CA: fuck you guys!!!!

AT: iS IT JUST ME, oR DOES jACK SEEM TO HAVE TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS IN THIS TOWN?  
AT: hE NARROWLY AVOIDED THE TWO BUMBLING GUARDS, aLMOST GOT HANGED AND OR UM, sHOT FOR RESCUEING A LADY AND NOW THIS GUY WANTS TO KILL HIM,  
AG: They are just jeeeeeeeealous of how 8wesome he is.  
GC: 4CTU4LLY TH3Y HUNT H1M B3C4US3 H3 1S 4 CR1M1N4L. B31NG 4 P1R4T3 4ND 4LL.  
AG: 8ut we never actually saaaaaaaaw him do anything criminal?  
AG: Where is your evidence, Redglare????????  
GC: HMMMMMMM……….  
AG: OH LOOK, AWESOME FIGHTSCENE.   
AG: hahahahahahahaha yeeeeeeees!  
AT: iT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL BUT A BIT UM,,,,,,  
AG: What?!  
AG: What could poooooooossi8ly 8e wrong with a fightsc8ne l8ke th8s!?  
AT: iT LOOKS A BIT, sTAGED?  
AT: sTILL, vERY FUN TO LOOK AT.  
AG: Whatever Toreadork.   
AG: You’re so full of crap that you couldn’t enjoy a good fight scene if you were walking past it.  
AT: sORRY,  
AG: And for fuck’s sake, STOP APOLOGIZING!!!!!!!!  
AT: s-sORRY,  
EB: (psssst, Kanaya?)  
GA: (I Assume Talking Like This Implies You Are Whispering)  
EB: (You are smart right? and pretty wordy, like Rose)  
GA: (I Do Not Consider Myself In A Position Where I Can Describe Myself As Intelligent)  
EB: (that’s ok. What I wanted to ask was; why isn’t anyone auspisticing between Vriska and uhm….)  
GA: (Tavros)  
EB: (Yeah. Vriska doesn’t really seem to like him.)  
EB: (Don’t you think YOU could auspistice for them?)  
GA: (What)  
EB: (well, you seem calm and polite and stuff. I don’t know.)  
GA: (Mr Egbert I Dont Know What Your Intentions Towards Vriska Are But I Shant Give Her Up That Easily)  
EB: (what?)  
EB: (I’m just asking why no one is auspissising between her and Tavros.)  
GA: (And Nominating Me As The Most Valid Candidate)  
GA: (I Am Certain You Would Like Me To Get Involved In A Different Quadrant With Vriska Wouldn’t You)  
EB: (why? what did I say?)  
GA: (I Am Not Debating This Notion)  
EB: (i don’t get aliens……)

AG: YES! Random pirate attack!  
AG: Let’s 8urn this 8oring town!!!!!!!!  
AG: This movie is getting 8etter en 8etter.  
GA: Vriska  
GA: Sometimes I Worry About You  
AG: hahahahahahahaha yes! Pillage and plunder!   
AG: Pay the iron price!!!!!!!!!  
GC: 1 4M NOT WORR13D 4BOUT H3R. 1 4M WORR13D 4BOUT 3V3RYON3 4ROUND H3R.

AT: tHAT SEEMS KIND OF SILLY,,,,  
GC: “YOU H4V3 M3 COMPL3T3LY 4T YOUR M3RCY, SO 1 1NVOK3 4 STUP1D HUM4N L4W TH4T OBL1G4T3S YOU TO T4K3 M3 TO YOUR C4PT41N”.  
GC: MORONS, YOU C4N JUST K1LL H3R TH3R3 4ND T4K3 TH3 N3CKL4C3. TH1NK OF 4LL TH3 OTH3R P3OPL3 YOU 4R3 K1LL1NG 1N TH3 STR33TS!  
GA: Channeling Karkat Again I See  
GC: 1 DON’T W4NT TO DO 1T, BUT SOM3ON3 H4S TO!  
EB: well, it’s a pirate code of honor. Didn’t your pirates have that?  
AG: No not at all. Eeeeeeeeverything goes.  
EB: oh.  
AG: What a letdown. I guess that means our pirates would 8eat the shiiiiiiiit out of your pirates.  
EB: well our pirates didn’t have space lasers or whatever your pirates use.  
AG: So our pirates were, like, a 88illion times better. 

AT: sO THERE IS A CURSE, tHAT MAKES THE PIRATES IMMORTAL AND TURNS THEM INTO UM, zOMBIES WHEN THE MOON SHINES UPON THEM,  
AT: tHAT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE MUCH OF A CURSE,  
GC: 4LSO J4CK CL34RLY KNOWS THOS3 GUYS. BL4T4NT FOR3SH4DOW1NG 4T 1TS F1N3ST.  
CC: IT’S SO M---EAN T)(AT T)(E OT)(ER PRISON---ERS JUST LEAVE JACK BE)(IND.  
TA: well, they had nothiing to do wiith hiim.   
TA: the wall iin theiir cell ju2t collap2ed.  
CC: but it’s not fair!  
AG: priiiiiiiinces, do you 8ctually 8elieve our handsome Jack will 8e in jail the rest of the movie?  
CC: Ooooo)(  
CC: I get it 38)

GA: Well   
GA: I Suppose This Goes About As Well As We Expected  
GC: Y4Y, 4 D4MS3L 1N D1STR3SS….. JUST WH4T TH3 MOV13 N33D3D.  
TA: of cour2e.   
TA: who tru2t2 seadwelliing piirate2 wiith code2 of honor?  
CA: you knoww, I am right here. If you wwant to insult me, do it to my face you fuckin ingrate!  
TA: oh get over your2elf a22hole. that wa2n’t even a diig at you but a general ob2ervatiion!!  
EB: guys?  
CA: Sol please. Youvve been tryin to wwork me up so I make a fool out of myself in front of fef from the wword go!  
CC: wait w)(at?  
TA: oh my god, liike ii have nothiing better to do!  
EB: guys!  
EB: cut it out and watch the movie already.  
CA: NO! that guy has been tryin his best to piss me off and noww he’ll get it.  
CC: buoys!  
TA: you want a piiece of me?  
EB: ok guys that’s it!  
EB: I don’t know your history or anything but the way you treat each other is just nasty.  
EB: Sollux, that was a completely unesecary insult at Eridan.  
EB: Eridan, it was just a meaningless insult, no need to flip out over it.  
TA: hmph  
CA: hmph  
GA: You Are Improving John  
GA: Sometimes You Need To Be A Little Harsh To Be A Proper Auspistice  
EB: I wasn’t too harsh there?  
EB: I kind of thought I was too harsh there…..  
AT: yOU COULD STAND TO BE A BIT HARSHER, i UM, tHINK?  
EB: let’s just get back to the movie.

AT: tHIS UHM, mAY NOT BE WHAT THE MOVIE WANTS TO PORTRAY BUT, iSN’T THE COMMODORE RIGHT?  
AT: wILLIAM JUST WANTS TO RUSH THE PIRATES WITH NO PLAN OR UHM, aNY IDEA WHERE THEY ARE,  
AG: Well they could have at leeeeeeeeast hear Jack Sparrow out.  
AG: They immediately dismiss him as a possi8le source of inform8ion.  
AG: Didn’t they have torture methods to make prisoners talk?  
CA: wwell, he wwas a dead man anywway. He may refuse to talk, or endanger them by lying.  
AT: fAIR POINT, i GUESS.  
AT: sTILL, tHE COMMODORE SEEMS TO MAKE THE MORE LOGICAL DECISION HERE,

CA: wwil on the other hand immideatly goes to make friends wwith the potentially dangerous pirate wwith nothing to lose.  
CA: i knoww we’re supposed to think he does this vvery stupid thing because of his true lovve or wwhatnot, but this is the same problem wwe had wwith the little mermaid.  
CA: they had 1 scene together as terrible child actors and 1 in company of her dad.  
GC: SO TH3Y 4LR34DY H4V3 MOR3 GO1NG FOR TH3M TH3N 4R13L 4ND PR1NC3 WH4TSH1SF4C3.  
CA: right, but they still don’t havve ANY chemistry wwhatsoevver. No indication that these twwo are a good couple.  
EB: you watched the little mermaid?  
CA: wwell…….. yeah.  
CA: I wwas bored and Karkat wwas gonna wwatch it anywway.  
EB: I don’t know why, but the idea of you guys watching one of those Disney princess movies cracks me up.  
CA: wwell, I dreww an important conclusion regarding howw I feel about sol and fef because of it.  
TA: hey a22hole. we don’t care.   
EB: Sollux……  
TA: …..ju2t watch the moviie already.

AT: oK, tHIS IS JUST SILLY,  
GC: S1LLY YOU S4Y? 1TS 1MPOSS1BL3!  
GC: YOU C4N’T W4LK UND3RW4T3R L1K3 TH4T. TH3 41RPOCK3T UND3R TH3 BO4T W1LL L1FT TH3 D4MN TH1NG UP, L34V1NG J4CK 4ND W1LL TO B3 V3RY DROWN3D 4ND V3RY STUP1D.  
CC: Actually, I MIG)(T be able to keep a boat pulled down like t)(at.  
EB: No way, you’d have to be crazy strong to do that.  
CC: )(—EY, I’ll )(ave you know I pulled around W)(ALES back on Alternia.  
EB: And it turns out you ARE crazy strong. That is awesome.  
EB: Do you get stronger the angrier you get? Do you change colors?  
CC: W)(ale, I mig)(t get a little stronger if I am R----EELLY angry……. But I don’t c)(ange colors.  
EB: Aaaw, that’s too bad. You could have been an earth hero.  
CC: 38O

AG: You can just seeeeeeee Jack think; “I made a horri8le mistake.”  
GA: I Suppose It Is Logical Will Is Incompetent As A Pirate  
GA: Considering He Has Only Been One For Two Minutes At This Point  
CA: regardless of his experience; it is a pathetic display.  
CA: wwhat self-respecting pirate acts like that?  
TA: The piirate2 are the one2 that bother you?   
TA: Tho2e 2oldiiers aren’t worth theiir iincrediibly goofy uniiform.  
TA: To arre2t 2 2mall-tiime criimiinal2 ALL per2onnel of the iinteceptor board2 theiir 2hiip, leaviing them wiide open for 2ome 2tunt liike thii2.  
TA: what moron2.  
EB: yeah, but it makes for such a fun scene.  
CC: Y---EA)(! IT LOOKS SO ----EXCITING!!  
AG: haha yes!!!!!!!! finally we can start the pirate part of this pirate movie!

AG: ………after we get more exposition.  
AG: they 8etter start doing pirate things after the exposition.  
AT: sO UHM,,, sOMEHOW wILL BEING THE SON OF A MAN CALLED bOOTSTRAP IS IMPORTANT?  
CA: so contrivved.  
GC: 1T 1S SO OBV1OUS TH3Y JUST R34L1Z3D W1LL W4S 4LMOST COMPL3T3LY UNN3C3SS4RY 4ND N33D3D SOM3TH1NG FOR H1M TO DO.  
EB: yeah, they expand on it in the movies after this one.  
AG: THERE ARE MORE!?

CC: O)( NO, th)(at must be a )(orrible curse!!  
CC: T)(ey would live as long as I would, but wit)(out unable to enjoy ANYFIN!!!  
CC: T)(AT’S AWFULL!  
EB: wait, does that mean you’re like, immortal?  
CC: No. At least, I don’t T)(INK I am 38)  
CA: Jon, highbloods like me an fef havve a incredibly long lifespan.  
CA: I’m not evven sure fuchiabloods like fef CAN die of old age.  
EB: huh, that’s pretty neat.  
CA: hasn’t vvris told you anythin about our basic fuckin biology?   
AG: Pleeeeeeeease, I’ve told him aaaaaaaall the important stuff.  
GA: I Assume You Mean To Say You Told Him All About A Certain Pirate With Dubious Historical Relevancy  
AG: Are you dissing Mindfang, Fussyfangs?????????  
GC: 1 DO L1K3 TH3 4CTOR PL4Y1NG B4RBOS4. H3 D3L1V3RS H1S L1N3S 4 L1TTL3 H4MMY, BUT CONS1D3R1NG H3’S 4N 1MMORT4L P1R4T3 4ND 4LL TH4T, 1TS TO B3 3XP3CT3D. H3’S JUST 4 JOY TO W4TCH.

GC: W3LL TH4T 1S JUST M1LDLY 1NCONV3N13NT

AT: sEE, tHERE UHM, iT IS AGAIN,  
TA: what ii2 iit now??  
AT: rEMEMBER HOW THAT FIGHTSCENE WITH jACK AND UHM, wILL SEEMED A BIT STAGED?  
AT: wELL THE WAY THEY TOSS eLIZABETH AROUND, aND GO TROUGH THE ROUTINES OF THE SHIP, bUT WITH GHOSTS,,,,iT SEEMS KIND OF, yOU KNOW, sTAGED? lIKE THAT OTHER SCENE,,,,  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat? No it doesn’t. It looks 8wesome!!!!!!!!  
GA: Yes But You Have To Admit It Does Seem More Then A Little Rehearsed  
GA: The Rhythmic Deck Scrubbing  
GA: The Way They Toss Miss Swan Around  
GA: How Long Does One Have To Be Bored And Immortal At Sea To Start Studying These Routines  
GA: How Often Do They Get To Do It  
GA: How Did Barbosa Convince His Crew That This Was A Cool Thing To Do  
AG: AAAAAAAARGH, shut up!  
AG: It j8st looks cool, 8lright!!!!!!!!  
AT: nO ONE SAID IT DIDN’T,  
AG: NO ONE ASKED YOU TOREASNORE!  
EB: Uhm….. Is everything alright?  
AG: PEACHY

CA: Oh look. A sassy female pirate wwho has a history wwith jack.  
CA: I wwonder howw she knowws jack and wwhat the deal wwas wwith her stolen ship. I can’t wwait for her character to devvelop and perhaps gain a begrudgin respect for jack, wwhich is the closest you people havve to a proper kismesitude.   
CA: Maybe she’ll evven fall in human redrom wwith him as a result of the adventure.  
CA: this just might be the beginnin of a fascinatin subplot.  
GC: YOU TH1NK SH3’S 1NT3R3ST1NG? TH3Y H4V3 4 DW4RF 1N TH31R CR3W, HOW COOL 1S TH4T?  
GC: 1 W4NT TO KNOW WH4T H1S D34L 1S. WH3R3 H3 COM3S FROM 4ND HOW H3 B3C4M3 4 P1R4T3.  
GC: 1 C4N’T W41T TO S33 WH4T’LL H4PP3N TO TH3S3 CH4R4CT3RS.  
CA: Yeah!  
GC: ……..  
CA: ……..  
TA: they’re not gonna get any 2creentiime are they?  
EB: well…..sorta? in the background…..  
TA: yeah, that2 what ii thought.

GC: OK, THOS3 GUYS M4Y B3 UN1MPORT4NT BUT TH1S 1S TH3 S3COND T1M3 MR 3XPOS1T1ON MCSCRUFFYB34RD G3TS H1S TURN TO SH1N3.  
GC: 1F ONLY TH3Y G4V3 H1M 4 N4M3 4ND SOM3TH1NG TO DO.  
AT: hE HAS A NAME,  
AT: i UHM, jUST DIDN’T PICK IT UP,  
GC: 1’LL K33P C4LL1NG H1M 3XPOS1T1ON MCSCRUFFYB34RD TH3N >:]

TA: you know what thii2 moviie really needed? more fuckiing character2 to not giive a 2hiit about.  
TA: ii know they appeared earliier but ii expected them to be a throwaway joke.  
TA: what ii2 theiir deal? What are theiir name2? Why ha2n’t barbo2a kiilled them for theiir stupiidiity?  
CC: Sollux S)(OOSH!  
TA: what??  
CC: Just enjoy it. You have to admit, they are seariously funny.  
TA: no. no they aren’t.  
CC: S)(oosh!!!

GA: You Know I Have To Feel A Bit Sorry For The Actor Who Portrays Will  
GA: Jack Sparrow Is An Incredibly Colorful Personage And Is Written In Such A Way That It Remains A Mystery Where His True Intentions Lie  
GA: His Expressions His Mimicry And His Dialogue Are All Evidence Of A Good Character Portrayed By A Good Actor  
GA: Meanwhile Will Is Written As The Straightest Straight Man For Jacks Unpredictable Character Making Him Appear Even More Dull As A Result  
GA: His Actor May Be Decent Perhaps Even Great I Would Not Know  
GA: But Next To Jack He Has Been Given Nothing To Work With  
EB: yeah, playing the straight man is kind of his thing.  
EB: he plays an elf in this big fantasy movie and he’s kind of boring there as well.

TA: waiit 2o ii2 he talkiing about actual apple2 here or ii2 iit 2ome kiind of human iinnuendo iimplyiing that he’2 gonna rape that chiick?  
EB: you know, I honestly have no idea  
EB: I never heard someone compare a woman to apples before.  
GA: Well Elizabeth Certainly Looks Shocked Enough For It To Be Implied Rape  
TA: yeah but what kiind of lame way of 2ayiing iit iis that?

AT: sO THEY JUST NEEDED A FEW DROPS OF HER BLOOD?  
AT: wHY DIDN’T THEY, wELL, dO IT ON SHORE, cOLLECT IT IN A VIAL AND BRING THAT TO THE CURSED TREASURE?  
AT: tHEY DIDN’T HAVE TO BRING HER ALL THE WAY THERE, eXPOSE THEIR CURSE AND EXPLAIN THEIR LIFE STORIES,  
AG: Tavros I swear to gog stop trying to ruin this movie for me!  
AT: s-sORRY,  
CC: EVEN ---Elizabet)( looks surprised t)(at it’s just a small cut.  
CA: You can just hear her think:”did you assholes bring me all the wway here for this?”  
CC: )(a)(a)(a, Y—EAH.  
TA: your ju2t repeatiing what tv 2aiid.  
CA: no I didn’t. I turned it into my own comedic comment.  
TA: ugh, whatever.

GC: W3LL…..TH4T D1DN’T GO 4S PL4NN3D.  
TA: 2o of cour2e the next be2t thiing iis a mutiiny.  
CA: wwait, if wwhat that bald black pirate said is true…. Then they ovverthreww jack because he wwasn’t cutthroat enough but still followw barbosa despite bein cursed by his mistake?  
CA: consistency is nice.  
AG: meanwhile, Will makes a daaaaaaaaring escape 8y……  
AG: quietly swimming up to Elizabeth and telling her to follow.  
AG: I was promised action and swordfights!!!!!!!!

GC: 4G41N W1TH TH3 P1R4T3 RUL3BOOK.  
GC: YOU TR13D K1LL H1M ONC3 B3FOR3, 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 W3LL B3YOND TH3 PO1NT OF P34C3FUL N3GOT14T1ONS.  
TA: ye2 but the moviie would be embera22iingly 2hort iif they diid.

CA: You knoww, I think this is the first time Wil and Liz have a privvate scene together.  
GC: Y3S, 4ND D3SP1T3 TH1S 3MB3R4SS1NGLY P4L3 MOM3NT…..  
GC: UGH, R34LLY, HOW DO YOU HUM4NS GO 4ROUND SHOW1NG K1DS SMUT L1K3 TH1S?  
GC: 4NYW4Y, D3SP1T3 TH4T, TH3R3 1S NO CH3M1STRY WH4TSO3V3R. NO SP4RK OF R3DROM.  
GA: I Concur  
EB: oh this kind of smut is completely normal for humans like us.  
EB: in fact, sometimes we like to do things like that in large groups.  
AT: oH MY GOD,  
EB: sometimes we even uhm….. hold hands in a large circle while singing soothing songs?  
AT: tHAT’S JUST,,,,, wAUW,  
GC: TH4T 1S JUST R4UNCHY >:]  
GA: Wills Outburst At The End Of Their Rendezvous Is Incredibly Out Of Place  
TA: that and even angry wiill ju2t 2eem2 2o bored….  
TA: iit2 liike he has one expre22iion; earne2t baby barkbea2t eye2.  
CC: )(A)(A)(A  
CA: wwhale yeah, but I thought it his expression wwas more like someone was keepin his favvorite toy just out a reach.  
CC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A, o)( t)(at’s GR—EAT! AND YOU SAID W)(ALE!  
CA: huh, I guess.  
TA: yeah ed, ii thought you 2topped makiing tho2e 2tupiid pun2. what2 up wiith that?  
CC: YOUR FAC---E IS STUPID 38P  
CA: I don’t knoww, it just slipped in I suppose.  
TA: ju2t 2top. 2top tryiing to iimpre22 ff liike the 2tupiid wriigler you are.  
CA: wwhat!?

CA: So just cause I slipped up and made a fish-pun I’m tryin to impress fef?  
CA: wwhat logic are you operatin on sol?  
TA: plea2e, you haven’t made a fii2hpun 2iince the game began, ii don’t thiink you’d 2liip up like that by acciident.  
CA: and just wwater you implying?  
CA: see? That one wwas on purpose.  
TA: you thiink 2he actually care2 whether or not you make 2tupiid pun2??  
EB: guys  
CA: you actually think I am still going to chase after her like a complete an utter tool?  
CA: wwhy are you so fuckin paranoid!?!  
EB: guys?  
TA: Oh that2 a laugh. ii mean iit would be, iif iit wa2n’t 2o fuckiing weak.  
EB: guys!  
CA: wwhat do you wwant me to say sol!? YOU FUCKIN WWON ALRIGHT!?  
CA: She doesn’t wwant anythin to do wwith me and clearly prefers you.  
TA: ii am 2omewhat 2urprii2ed you under2tand.  
CA: Right, so get off MY FUCKIN BACK OR I SWWEAR TO GOG I--  
EB: GUYS!  
EB: stop bickering and let’s just watch the movie alright?  
EB: you are fighting about nothing.  
TA: no, we are fiightiing about 2omethiing alriight.  
EB: yeah, but isn’t that settled already? Water under the bridge so to speak?  
CA: I guess the battle wwas ovver before it began, yeah.  
EB: right? so there’s no need to fight over things that are already done. You’re on the same team, you should learn to get along.  
TA: why 2hould ii??  
EB: because it’s for the best? Because nothing good comes from it? Because the rest of the team suffers for it?  
EB: CC in particular seems to dislike it :(  
CC: YEA)( 38(  
CA: oh….  
TA: that doe2n’t mean ii have to liike ed.  
EB: no, but you can tolerate him right? pleeeeaaaase?  
TA: ugh……  
EB: come on, we’re going to watch the movie like we’re the best of grey bropals.  
TA: no.  
EB: as ashen amigo’s.  
TA: 2top that.  
EB: conciliatory comrades.  
TA: oh my gog..  
EB: iron intimates  
TA: ii get iit!! Fine!! we’ll watch the stupiid moviie in peace, ju2t 2top.  
GA: That Was An Er  
GA: Interesting Display Of Ashen Affection  
GA: I Think

AT: uHM, wASN’T eLIZABETH JUST THE DAUGHTER OF A VERY WEALTHY GUY?  
AG: Yeah……  
AT: aND DIDN’T SHE SAY SHE UHM, nEVER LEFT pORT rOYAL?  
AG: I thiiiiiiiink she did?  
AT: tHEN HOW DOES SHE UHM, mANAGE OF OFFER ADVICE ON NAVAL WARFARE?  
AT: tO AN EXPERIENCED PIRATE NO LESS?  
AG: ….godd8mnit.

CA: ok, puttin your ships like this SEEMS like a good idea until you remember it just means both ships get equally destroyed…..  
CA: and then you remember the protagonists fire wwith kitchen utensils and evven sol can guess wwho’s gonna wwin.  
EB: Eridan…..  
CA: yeah yeah, loww bloww.....  
AT: aLSO, iSN’T IT IMPLIED THAT THE BLACK PEARL IS UHM, mAGIC?  
CA: Tavv, tavv, tavv…….of course the black pearl isn’t magic.  
AT: iT ISN’T?  
CA: no, of course not. wwhat kind of imbecile believves that.  
CC: 38(  
CA: oh….  
TA: hehe, owned.

GC: SO 1F W1LL DROWNS, TH3 P1R4T3S C4N’T G3T H1S BLOOD R1GHT?  
GA: I Would Assume So Yes  
GC: DO3SN’T TH4T M34N TH4T TH3 B1GG3ST BLOW TH3Y C4N D3L1V3R TO TH3S3 P1R4T3S 1S L3T H1M DROWN?  
GA: An Astute Observation  
EB: yes but Will is the hero, so he has to live.  
GC: WH4T K1ND OF S3NS3 DO3S TH4T M4K3?  
EB: well, of course the hero has to live. It’s what a hero does.  
GC: 1S 1T?  
EB: well yeah…. I think.

GC: 1F W4TCH1NG TH3 L1TTL3 M3RM41D T4UGHT M3 4NYTH1NG, 1T 1S TH4T 3XPLOD1NG SH1PS 4R3 MOR3 OF 4N 1NCONV3N13NC3 TH3N 4 THR34T.

GC: TH3R3 H3 1S, R34L1Z1NG H1S OWN 1MPORT4NC3 TO TH3 PLOT *COUGH*BS*COUGH* 4ND HOLD1NG H1MS3LF HOST4G3.  
GA: I Do Enjoy Jacks Reactions To The Whole Scenario  
GA: I Do Know What It Feels Like When Someone Is About To Do Something Terribly Foolish Yet You Are Powerless To Prevent It  
EB: huh, that sounds annoying.  
AT: nO, i UHM, KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE,,,,  
AG: why are you looking at me like th8t!!!!!!!!!

GA: A Bit More Dramatic Then Walking The Plank In Peter Pan Is It Not

TA: and becau2e exiiliing you to thii2 exact ii2land la2t tiime worked out 2o well, we’re doiing iit agaiin. 

CC: WOOOW B-----EACHPARTY!  
AT: sO THE WHOLE STORY ABOUT ESCAPING ON A RAFT OF SEATURTLES?  
AG: Complete and utter liiiiiiiies yes.  
AG: A pirate doesn’t have to tell the truth you know? He’s a pirate, they’re kiiiiiiiind of known for not 8eing very trustworthy.   
GA: Miss Elizabeth Takes It Well

GC: 4ND NOW PS3UDO PH1LOSOPH1C4L BULLSH1T ON WH4T B31NG 4 P1R4T3 R34LLY M34NS 4ND WH4T 4 SH1P M34NS TO J4CK.  
AT: nO I UNDERSTAND THE POINT, bEING COMPLETELY FREE DOES SOUND VERY UHM, nICE?  
AG: Yes, 8ut you’re not a pirate then are you!!!!!!!!  
AG: You’d 8e just a drunk adventurer.  
AG: Jack can claim he’s a pirate all he wants 8ut the only act of piracy we saw him commit was stealing that ship!  
GC: H3’S ST1LL PR3TTY HOT THOUGH >:].  
CC: )(e’s so ruggedly HANDSOM---E!!!  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh I know!!!!!!!! that makes it soooooooo frustrating that he completely misses the point of 8eing a pirate.  
TA: 2hoot me..

CA: Not the rum!  
EB: oh yes the rum.  
GA: I Have To Hand It To Elizabeth  
GA: This Seems To Be The First Instance In The Movie Where She Shows Capable Independent Thought Without It Backfiring Horribly  
GA: See Also The Gambit She Pulled With Her Last Name And Confronting The Black Pearl With Their Ship  
CC: I don’t understand w)(y jack is so against t)(is idea….  
CA: wwell you don’t wwaste perfectly good rum like this.  
TA: that and you have to thiink who iit ii2 that ii2 mo2t liikely two fiind them..

TA: there we go.  
CC: Oooo)(, yea)( I understand now.  
GC: OUT OF ST4RV4T1ON 4ND ONTO TH3 G4LLOWS.  
EB: but you forget one thing.  
GC: OH?  
EB: he’s captain Jack Sparrow :B  
GC: >:?  
AT: wELL, aCTUALLY IT IS eLIZABETH THAT POINTS OUT jACK COULD LEAD THEM TO wILL,  
AT: sHE’S EVEN WILLING TO MARRY cOMMODORE gRUMPS TO MAKE SURE HE GETS SAVED,  
GA: And So She Returned To Performing Actions That Will Undoubtedly Either Backfire Or Present Her With Ill Fortune  
GA: I Suppose Burning The Rum Was Just A Fluke   
CA: Kan, you don’t get it. You DO NOT burn the rum!

AG: AG8IN WITH THE F8CKING EXPOS8TION FROM NAMELESS CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!  
GC: R34LLY, 1T’S B3COM1NG QU1T3 T1R3SOM3……..  
CA: so wwills fatherlusus wwas pushed ovver board wwith a canon strapped to his legs.  
CA: but he wwas also cursed right? so technically he could patiently untie himself underwwater and swwim to shore.  
CA: sure, it’d be a pain, but immortality makes it irrelevant I think.   
TA: don’t bodiie2 liike, iimplode at certaiin depths?   
TA: collap2iing lungs, teariing muscle2, that 2ort of deal? He 2houldn’t be able to ju2t untiie hiim2elf wiith 20 much waterpre22ure.  
CA: ah yes, landdwweller problems.  
CC: Also, )(ow stupid of Mr Bootstrap! )(e send t)(e coin to )(is estranged spawn to enshore the pirates would remain cursed. Couldn’t he forsea the pirates would hunt him instead?!!  
CC: )(ow could )(e so carelessly endanger his own descendant!!!  
EB: Huh, those are actually decent points.  
EB: I think some of them get addressed in the sequel…..  
CC: R—E—ELLY? W)(at )(appens?  
EB: I think he got saved by a sea-phantom that commands a giant kraken. Barbosa and Jack both know about him, Jack even made a deal with him, but somehow they both fail to acknowledge him this movie.  
CC: T)(---ERE IS A KRAKEN???? 38O

GC: J4CK R34LLY ST34LS 3V3RY SC3N3 H3’S 1N DO3SN’T H3?  
EB: Yeah, he pretty much ditches Will and Elizabeth and goes solo for the fourth movie.  
AG: 4? Just how many movies are there????????  
EB: There were 2 more scheduled before well, earth got destroyed.  
TA: what a 2mooth fuckiing operator, conviinciing the commodore to let hiim go to the piirate2 alone.  
CA: no, that’s just the commodore bein an idiot wwhenevver the plot calls for it.  
TA: Yeah, ii gue22.   
EB: see, you’re getting better.  
TA: plea2e don’t come wiith more embera22iing name2 for our a2hen 2iituatiion.  
TA: my thiinkpan can only handle 2o much.  
EB: aaaw, but on earth it’s a sign of great affection to come up with awesome names like that.  
GA: Really  
GA: Well Sollux I Think You Can Stand To Be A Little More Culturally Sensitive  
TA: hate you…..hate you both.  
EB: oh don’t be like that, my ashen associate. I understand that you don’t fully get the intricate cultural habits of the human jedi.   
EB: In time, you too can learn the ways of the force.  
EB: (hehehehe)  
AT: tHERE, hE DID IT AGAIN.  
CC: Did what?  
AT: i,  
AT: nEVER MIND,,,,,  
CC: )(A)(A, you are so weird Tavros 3P)

AG: Second verse, same as the first……..  
GC: W3LL NOT 3NT1R3LY. TH1S T1M3, TH3Y WON’T S3TTL3 FOR 4 T1NY CUT.  
AG: So we’ll have one 8oring protagonist less. Is it 8ad that I am rooting for the pirates?  
GA: Well  
GA: We Expected Nothing Less From You  
AG: What is that supposed to mean????????  
CA: And there’s jack again, doin his thing.  
TA: iit2 kiind of 2trange how they 2till giive hiim the tiime two open hii2 mouth after tryiing to kiill hiim twiice.  
TA: ii’m ju2t 2ayiing, iif ii wanted anyone kiilled, ii wouldn’t 2ettle for abandonment.   
TA: ii’d be liike; ZAP, optiic bla2t2. Problem 2olved.  
EB: you have optic blasts?  
TA: duh  
EB: do you have to wear a visor to control it? do you lead a team of mutants and do you date a hot psychic?  
TA: no, no, and u2ed two.  
CA: I do havve to say, evvery dialogue betwween Jack and Barbosa is great. They keep tryin to one-up each other.  
CA: evven though jack noww seems to help Barbosa again.  
CC: T)(AT TRAITOR. W)(AT ABOUT WILL?  
CA: wwell, it’s obvviously a trap.  
TA: iit2 obviiou2ly a trap ff.  
CA: oh.  
TA: oh.

AG: Now this is what I’m talking a8out!!!!!!!!  
AG: An army of zombie pirates, marching on the 8ottom of the ocean, looking for treasures to plunder!  
AG: I take 8ack every negative thing I said a8out human movies for this alone.  
GC: BUT….M4RCH1NG ON TH3 OC34N FLOOR 1S 1MPOSS1BL3 UNL3SS YOU H4PP3N TO B3 4 FUCH14BLOOD.  
CC: 38)  
TA: more then that, aren’t dead bodiie2 2uppo2ed to float?  
GC: NOT 1F TH3Y’V3 B33N D34D FOR 4 R34LLY LONG T1M3, TH3N TH3 BODY S1NKS 4G41N.  
GC: ST1LL, TH3Y 4R3 NOT 1MMOB1L3 CORPS3S.  
AG: Redglare, shut up and enjoy this awesome scene.

GC: OF COURS3, TH3 POMPOUS R1CH G1RL W1TH NO 4DV3NTUR1NG 3XP3R13NC3, COMB4T TR41N1NG OR ANY SK1LLS TH4T WOULD B3 PR4CT1C4L 1N TH1S S1TU4T1ON NOT ONLY LOW3RS H3RS3LF FROM TH3 SH1P UNH4RM3D BUT JUST H4PP3NS TO F1ND 4 BO4T? COM3 ON!  
GC: WH3R3 D1D TH4T BO4T 3V3N COM3 FROM!?   
GC: WH4T GOOD 1S SH3 GO1NG TO B3 TO W1LL 4ND/OR J4CK 4G41NST TH3 P1R4T3S!?  
CA: also ter, that timin right?  
CA: the pirate zombies are just climbin aboard as she leavves vvia the other side of the boat.  
GC: 1 KNOW!  
TA: or what about the dad who ii2 monologueiing to the empty room that he thiink2 hii2 daughter ii2 iin.  
Ta: he could, ii don’t know, open the door and have a proper talk to hii2 only daughter, who wa2 ju2t re2cued from a piirate kiidnappiing!!  
EB: wauw, you guys really seem to hate this movie :(  
GC: N4H 1TS OK.  
EB: huh?  
GC: 1TS JUST V3RY OBV1OUSLY FL4W3D.

AT: oH LOOK, IT’S jACKS VERY OBVIOUS BETRAYAL OF bARBOSA  
AG: OH FUCK YES!  
AG: All the pirate politics 8s off the first half seem to pay off for the finale!!!!!!!!!  
AG: Zombie pirates attack the soldiers while Jack and Will are locked in epic combat on treasure island.  
AG: This is everything I wanted from the movie!  
TA: vk, your bulge ii2 2howwiing.   
AG: can it c8ptor!  
AT: dOESN’T IT LOOK KIND OF UHM,,,  
AG: DON’T EVEN TH8NK OF FINISHING TH8T SENTENCE!!!!!!!!

CC: AAAA)( T)(at’s so clever!  
CC: Jack stole t)(e coin so t)(at he would be just as immortal as Barbosa during t)(e fig)(t!!  
CA: …..wwell duh?  
CA: I mean, all he had to do to become immortal wwas snatch a coin from the massivve chest.  
CA: An seeing wwilliam can end the curse wwhenevver he wwants there wwas pretty much no risk invvolvved.  
CC: W)(ale I t)(ink it’s cool!!!  
CA: yes, yes, it’s pretty cool.  
CA: Jack’s reaction to it is also beautiful.   
CA: His entire mimicry seems to say: ”Oh look, I survvivved. I lovve it wwhen that happens.”  
TA: ed, you’re 2uch a dork.  
EB: hmmmm?   
TA: not lookiing for a fiight, ju2t 2tatiing the obviiou2..  
EB: hmmmmmmmmmmm???  
TA: oh ff2..  
EB: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???? :B  
TA: …..let2 contiinue the 2tupiid moviie.  
TA: after that we can return to hatiing each other platoniically   
EB: Aaaaw, I was just getting in the swing of things.

GC: “OH H3Y, 1’M H3R3 TO CONTR1BUT3 1NCR3D1BLY L1TTL3 TO THE F1GHT1NG”  
AT: i WISH SHE COULD DECIDE ON HER CHARACTER,,,, iS SHE A DISTRESSED DAMSEL OR A BAD-ASS ACTION CHICK?  
TA: let2 go wiith dumba22 iin dii2tre22.

GA: Damsel  
GA: Definitely Damsel  
GA: Jack Just Wasted The Shot He Had Been Saving For Ten Years To Prevent Her From Being Shot  
CC: W)(ale per)(aps t)(ere’s a lesson in t)(at?  
CC: Revenge is not wort)( more then anot)(ers life.  
CC: Personally I t)(ink that is a good moral for the story, as whale as a defining moment for Jack’s c)(aracter 38)

CC: Or maybe revenge is still totally justified and Jack learned nofin…….  
AG: 8OOOOOOOO  
AG: HAX!!!!!!!!  
EB: yeah, I never really got this….  
EB: even if the bullet got stuck in his body, he’d instantly regenerate I think?   
EB: So he’d have a bullet in his body but he wouldn’t have a wound because of it….  
EB: anyway, it feels like cheating.  
GC: 4ND THUS 3NDS TH3 L1F3 OF C4PT41N B4RBOS4.  
GC: 1T’S 4 PR3TTY D3F1N1T1V3 W4Y TO 3ND YOUR V1LL41N.   
GC: 1T SUR3 M4K3S SUR3 B4RBOS4 W1LL N3V3R BOTH3R TH3M 4G41N.  
EB: uhm….yeah. sure.  
GA: I Suppose This Means The Soldiers Will Be Victorious Against The Pirates As Well  
AT: yEAH,i SUPPOSE IT DOES,  
AT: i DON’T KNOW, i KIND OF WANTED bARBOSA TO GO OUT WITH A LITTLE MORE UHM,,, oOMPH?  
AG: Well, he diiiiiiiid get an awesome final swordfight........  
AG: He was the only one in the plot who truly understood what it meant to 8e a pirate. He shall 8e missed

GC: 444444ND B4CK TO TH3 C1V1L1Z3D WORLD.  
GC: OR HUM4NS V4R14NT OF ON3.  
CC: NOOOOOOOOOOO Don’t )(ang )(im!  
TA: ff ii--  
CC: I DON’T WANT T)(EM TO )(ANG JACK.  
CA: fef, would you--  
CC: )(E DID SO MUCH GOOD THINGS.  
GC: H3 W4S SO MUCH FUN TO W4TCH.  
AG: I wouldn’t miiiiiiiind him in ropes, 8ut not like this!!!!!!!!  
CC: )(--E’S SO HOT!  
AG: I KNOW!  
TA: never miind.

AT: oH YES wILL, gREAT MOVE,  
AT: cONFESS YOUR LOVE FOR HER AFTER SHE AGREED TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE FOR YOUR SAKE,  
AT: tHAT ISN’T UHM, aWKWARD AT ALL,  
GA: His Improperly Timed Confession Aside I Do Like His Outfit  
GA: He Looks Incredibly Gallant Like This  
GA: Much Less Childish And More Like A Dapper Rogue  
GA: If Only He Had Learned To Not Look Like He Has To Watch His Childhood Hive Burn  
GC: W3LL, H3 LOS3S TH3 WOM4N H3 ST3RT3D TH1S WHOL3 4DV3NTUR3 FOR…. SO 1 GU3SS 1T 1S JUST1F13D H3R3?  
CA: wwell yeah. Lovve and politics don’t tend to mix.  
CA: they are rough seas, that’s for certain, and wwill just lost his shot.

TA: 2o he throw2 away hii2 liife tryiing to 2ave the condemned criimiinal??  
GC: UNSURPR1S3D G4SP.  
CA: Oh come on! There must be like, fifty guards there.  
CA: Are they really so incompetent they can’t hold dowwn one guy?  
EB: Well….. they are weak when the plot demands they are.  
EB: it’s like the ninja rule; the more there are of them the less dangerous each individual one is.  
AT: iS THAT A REAL PHENOMENON?  
EB: Yeah totally. It’s why we ideally live as far removed from cities as possible.  
EB: Jade and Rose totally lucked out there.  
GC: K1ND OF S4D W3 M1SS3D 4 GOOD LYNCH1NG.  
CC: BUT JACK SPARROW LIV------ES!!!!!!  
AG: Yes!!!!!!!! he’ll live to plunder another day and 8e dashingly handsome while doing so!  
AG: John, Mr Sparrow is right up there with Cameron Poe for 8est human!!!!!!!!  
EB: wait, what about me?  
AG: Fine, you’re on it too.   
EB: Yes! I can’t wait to lose to Nicholas Cage.

AT: oH COME ON,  
AT: sYNCHRONIZED FIGHTING? rEALLY?  
AT: rEALLY?  
AG: Ok, I am not even going to try to defend that one. It just looks silly.  
CC: O)(, O)(, Sollux, we s)(oald do t)(at too!  
CC: imagine )(ow surprised everyone will be if we start fig)(ting like a w)(ale-oiled mac)(ine.  
TA: more liike how horriifiied. We’re not doiing that.  
CC: O)( no, after t)(e movie, W---E’RE DOING IT!!!!!  
CA: Hahaha, oh that sucks to be you Captor.  
CA: Fef, you havve to send me pictures of that. I wwant to see him try to keep a rhythm.  
CA: I bet he’ll trip ovver his owwn feet the moment he can’t cheat wwith his psychic shenanigans.  
EB: hmmmm???  
CA: er, that’s not to say, I don’t MEAN anythin by it.  
EB: hmmmmmmmmmm????  
CA: Oh for fucks sake jon, don’t do this crap.  
EB: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM???  
CA: godfuckin damnit.  
EB: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????? :B :B  
CA: FINE!  
CA: sorry I made fun of you for bein stuck doin combat routines wwith fef.  
TA: what the fuck?  
TA: ii am genuiinely terriifiied now.  
TA: how diid that human make you apologiize??

AG: ooooooooh so that was her purpose for the movie. Give Will a reason to chase the pirates and to make sure Jack survives the ending.  
AT: aH BUT,,, wHAT? hOW?  
AT: wHAT A BITCH!  
AG: wh8t?  
GC: WH4T?  
CA: wwhat?  
GA: What?  
CC: GLUB?  
TA: what??  
AT: sHE COULD HAVE COME OUT AT ANY TIME AND SAY; fUCK cOMMODORE mCmOODY, i WANT TO REDROM wILL.  
AT: fROM THE MOMENT THEY SAILED TO THIS PORT TOWN SHE COULD HAVE EXPLAINED SHE WOULDN’T LET ANY HARM COME TO jACK,  
AT: sHE JUST JEOPARDIZED THE LIVES OF jACK, wILL, aND EVERY GUARD THAT STOOD IN THEIR WAY, aLL BECAUSE SHE WAS WAITING FOR A DRAMATIC MOMENT TO SAY WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY,  
GC: NOT ONLY TH4T, C4N 1 M4K3 4 F3W MOR3 COMM3NTS ON TH3 W1LL/3L1Z4B3TH TH1NG?  
CA: no.  
TA: ii’d rather you diidn’t.  
GC: W3LL TOUGH LUCK >:]  
GC: TH3Y SH4R3D 4 TOT4L OF ON3 PR1V4T3 SC3N3S, NOT COUNT1NG TH31R MOM3NT 4S K1DS, 4ND 1N TH4T MOM3NT W1LL W4S B31NG 4 L1TTL3 B1TCH.  
GC: NOTH1NG 1ND1C4T3S TH4T TH3S3 TWO W1LL B3 4 GOOD COUPL3. Y3S W1LL 1S D3VOT3D TO 4 F4ULT, BUT CONS1D3R1NG SH3 S4V3D H1M 4S 4 CH1LD 1 C4N’T H3LP BUT WOND3R 1F P3RH4PS H3 GR3W D3P3ND4NT ON H3R.  
GC: 3L1Z4B3TH W4S JUST H1GH ON TH3 THR1LL OF B31NG K1DN4PP3D 4ND W1TH1N TH3 F1RST W33KS OF TH31R R3DROM TH3Y’LL R34L1Z3 TH3Y H4V3 NOTH1NG 1N COMMON.  
TA: you done?  
GC: TH1NK SO, Y34H.  
GC: W4S 1T GOOD FOR YOU?  
CA: not really…..

EB: and so our movie ends with the hero totally winning the girl and Jack sailing of to the horizon.  
EB: I guess you didn’t really like the movie considering how much you harped on it, but I had a lot of fun watching it, especially the first time.  
AG: I totally loved it John!  
EB: hehe I kinda expected you to like it.  
EB: but I don’t think the rest did quite as much.  
GC: NO ON3 C4N 3NJOY P1R4T3S L1K3 VR1SK4 JOHN.  
GC: TH4T B31NG S41D, TH3 MOV13 W4SN’T B4D.  
EB: but you really tore into it a few times.  
GC: W3LL DUH, 1T’S 4 V3RY S1LLY MOV13, W1TH 4 LOT OF M1ST4K3S. DO3SN’T M34N 1 D1DN’T L1K3 1T.  
GC: 1T W4S 4 PR3TTY FUN 4DV3NTUR3 MOV13.  
GA: I Am Sorry But I Have To Disagree  
AG: WH8T!!!!!!!!  
GA: Though Jack Sparrow Was A Joy To Behold None Of The Other Actors Really Sold It To Me  
GA: The Action Was Very Obviously Staged And I Never Had The Feeling That There Were Any High Stakes Involved  
AG: I can’t 8elieve this!!!!!!!!  
GC: W3LL 1T’S 4 V4L1D OP1N1ON.  
AG: 8ut after I went through all the trou8le of making you join the stream you say you didn’t like it?  
GA: Well I Didn’t Join The Stream For The Movie Per Se  
GA: Ellipses  
AG: Oh right, you wanted to study John.  
AG: Did he turn out to 8e everything you hoped?  
EB: wait what?  
GA: Oh Right  
GA: I Joined The Stream For Him Did I Not  
AG: Kanaya, are you ok?  
GA: Yes Absolutely Dandy  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Of Course  
GA: I Just Watched A Movie With My Moirail  
GA: Why Should I Not Be Fine  
AG: You’re acting really funny……..  
GA: Yes Well  
GA: We Can Discuss My Behavior And Whether Or Not It Constitutes As Funny In Private If You Do Not Mind  
AG: Uhm, no, not at all.  
AG: I’ll talk to you then.  
GA: Right  
GA: See You Later  
GA: Thank You For Streaming John  
EB: No problem :)

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left convo--

AG: Well scru8s, was it awesome or was it awesome????????  
CC: AWESOM----E!!!!!!!!  
AT: iT WAS GREAT,  
CA: yeah, it wwas good.  
TA: eh  
CC: COM—E ON GUYS, JACK SPARROW WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!  
CA: yeah definitely, he wwas the movvie’s savving grace.  
TA: riight, ii really enjoyed how he hardly actually fought, u22ually ju2t talked and bluffed hii2 way out.  
CA: Yes, definitely, and he had so many good lines.  
TA: 2hiit, ii know. “You wiill alway2 remember thii2 a2 the day that you almo2t caught captaiin jack 2parrow.”   
TA: that2 a great fuckiing boa2t.  
CA: Aye, and despite bein vvery set-up, the choreography on the fights wwas gorgeous.  
TA: ye2, but the fiinal 2ynchroniized fiightiing wa2 a biit much.  
CA: agreed.  
TA: and there were too many namele22 one-note character2.  
CA: I knoww right? like the fuckin comedy duo.  
TA: whiich one, the 2 bumbliing piirate2 or the 2 bumbliing 2oldiiers?  
CA: And wwhat the fuck wwas the deal wwith Barbosa’s death?  
TA: fuck, that one felt 2o cheap.  
TA: the cur2e broke AFTER he wa2 2hot, how diid they faiil theiir own logiic 2o hard??  
CA: hahaha true.  
AT: OH MY GOD,  
GC: HOW……HOW DID TH4T H4PP3N?  
CC: O)( MY GLUB, I AM SOOOOO )(APPY YOU BUOYS ARE FINNALLY GETTING ALONG!!!!  
CA: wwhat!?  
TA: no we aren’t!!  
EB: eh? eh?  
CA: oh fuck, he’s still here.  
EB: I’m running the stream asshole :B  
TA: can we pretend that never happened?  
EB: hmmmmmmmm nop.  
EB: now, before we close this of, is there anything you want to say to each other?  
TA: nop.  
EB: come oooooooon…….  
CA: nevver.  
EB: Do iiiiiiiit………  
TA: oh for fuck 2ake…..  
TA: ampora, lii2ten very carefully cau2e thii2 ii2 one thiing ii won’t do twiice.  
TA: you are ba2iically ok.  
CA: oh….  
CA: wwell….. thanks I guess.  
CA: I suppose you are also decent….. wwhen you choose to be.  
TA: riight.  
TA: 2o we’re never dii2cu22iing thii2 agaiin.  
CA: right.  
AT: uHM, bUT WE MIGHT?  
CC: YES. I AM SO )(APPY YOU GUYS WILL STOP FIG)(TING!  
CC: I was pretty sad t)(at you didn’t seem to get along wit)( anyone anemone….  
CA: But wwe’re no longer moirails. wwhy wwould you?  
CC: T)(at doesn’t mean I can’t be worried you seally guppie.  
CC: I am R—EELLY GLAD you and sollux stopped fig)(ting. It kinda made me sad every time you guys las)(ed out to eac)( otter.   
CA: hey, blame captor for that.  
EB: eridan?  
CA: er, right….. wwe wwere both at fault. wwhatevver.  
CA: noww if you excuse me, this ashen voyeurism has been goin on long enough so I shall take my leave.  
CA: wwash off the humiliation of bein put on the spot like that.  
CA: take a long cold ablution.   
CA: so see you guys wwhenevver.  
TA: riight, whatever.  
CC: see you soon ---Eridan.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] left convo--

TA: riight, fef, we’re goiing.  
CC: Are we?  
TA: ye2 we are.  
CC: Aaaaaw. I wanted to talk to Jo)(n some more!!!  
TA: you can do that whenever.  
GC: 1’LL G1V3 YOU H1S TROLL14N, DON’T WORRY.  
EB: hold on, I’ll save you the trouble.  
EB: just look for ectoBiologist and you should find me.  
CC: Alrig)(t!  
CC: See you later t)(en!!!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] left convo--

TA: riight. 2ee you guy2 later then.  
TA: thank2 for au2pii2tiiciing ii 2uppo2e.  
EB: you’re welcome. It was pretty interesting.  
TA: yeah well. ii diidn’t make two much of a fool out of mys2elf iin front of ff, so that2 a wiin.  
TA: ii mean iit wa2 horriible, but iit2 kiind of 2uppo2ed two be, you know?  
TA: becau2e iif everythiing wa2 fiine and dandy an au2pii2tiice wouldn’t even be needed and all that.  
EB: er……  
TA: riight, human2. almo2t forgot.  
TA: anyway, later.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] left convo--

AG: So anyone up for a stream of the second pirates movie?

\--FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] joined convo--

FCA: just message me wwhen you’re ready

\--FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] left convo--

AG: Yeeeeeeees.  
AT: i THINK i AM GOING TO DO THAT THING,  
AT: tHAT i WAS SUPPOSED TO UHM, DO,  
AT: sORRY, CAN’T WATCH THE MOVIE,  
AT: i SHOULD PROBABLY GO,  
AG: Yes you pro8a8ly should.  
AT: tHANKS FOR STREAMING jOHN,  
AT: i THINK,  
EB: no problem.

\--adiosToreador [AT] left convo--

GC: Y34H, 1’LL D3L1V3R SOM3 W3LL-D3S3RV3D NUB-DRUBB1NGS TO K4RK4T 4ND BR1NG H1M UP TO SP33D.  
GC: T3LL D4V3 1 S41D H1 OK?  
EB: will do.  
AG: wait a minute Pyrope!  
GC: HMMM?  
AG: next time you’re watching a stupid Disney movie or whatever….  
AG: tell Vantas to invite me ok?  
GC: H4H4H4H4 YOU’R3 SO L4M3.  
GC: L4T3R!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] left convo--

EB: I think she likes you?  
AG: yeah, let’s leave it at that.  
EB: soooooooo am I accepted into your tribe?  
EB: did I prove myself to be capable of fitting in? is there some ritual to complete this rite of passage?  
AG: what?  
EB: the whole auspistizing I did.  
AG: oh right.  
AG: I dunno John, you’ve seen what a 8unch of losers my group is.   
AG: I don’t see why aaaaaaaanyone would WANT to fit in.  
EB: Well, I kinda liked Feferi. She was nice.  
AG: Yeah, Peixes is cool.  
EB: Sollux and Eridan were actually pretty funny, when I understood what they wanted from me.  
EB: And Terezi well….  
AG: yeah she’s weird.  
EB: yeah :/  
EB: Also, I think Kanaya doesn’t like me.  
AG: Pfffffffft, nah. She’s just a little stuck-up.  
EB: are you sure?  
AG: Positive. Fussyfangs is aaaaaaaalways a 8it too fidgety around strangers.  
EB: alright, if you say so.  
AG: Don’t woooooooorry a8out it. I think they really liked you.  
EB: hehe, well that’s good then.   
EB: It was really super fun to look back at an old Disney movie with you guys.  
EB: buuuuuuuut I am closing the stream now.  
EB: see you later?  
AG: Sure.  
AG:8ye John ;;;;)

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] left convo--

\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited turntechGodhead [TG] to convo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to convo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] invited gardenGnostic [GG] to convo--

EB: guys, guys, guys.  
GG: Hey John. What’s up?  
EB: I just had the most awesome movie stream with the trolls.  
TG: woah what?  
TG: you went and had crazy shenanigans with a bunch of lame internet trolls and you were too cool to invite your ironic best bro to the party?  
TG: that shits cold dog  
TG: like  
TG: a snowman on antarctica in the middle of winter left by his cheating wife who gained custody of their snow children  
TG: sorry kids  
TG: youre going with mommy to the north pole where she is going to make money by selling herself to eskimos.  
TT: the politically correct term is Inuit Dave  
TG: those politicians cant tell me what to do  
TT: also considering Antarctica lies on the southern hemisphere our winter is their summer, so it would be much more poignant was the snowman left during the summer. Which would also serve to evoke the mental image of a sad, melting snowman.  
TG: christ lalonde  
TG: stop reading so many books.  
TT: It is a crippling addiction, I admit.   
GG: John, did something happen during the stream?  
EB: Well, not much out of the ordinary.  
EB: we watched pirates of the carribean together….  
EB: oh, and I got roped into one of their quadrant things with two of the alien guys.  
TT: Excuse me?  
GG: Aaaaw, that’s so cute.  
TG: hahahahahaha oh that is priceless.  
EB: it was just for the duration of the movie.   
EB: apparently they have a whole quadrant for the cockblocking of two hate-lovers and prevent them from falling in hate-love.  
TG: ok time out  
TG: you  
TG: john egbert  
TG: claim you were responsible for the act of cockblocking two horny alien dudes who wanted to hatesnog each others teeth out  
TG: and this is in no way one of your elaborate pranks.  
EB: yeah, it was pretty weird.  
TG: thats it  
TG: poke me with a fork cause im done  
TG: extra crispy bbq for table 12  
TT: If you do not mind John, I would like to ask you more about this in private.  
TT: getting romantically involved with two young men with your main mission being the prevention of coitus is not a very common experience.  
TT: I am curious how this newfound experience effects you.  
EB: according to Kanaya there was nothing romantic about it.  
EB: so no life-changing discoveries were made thank you.  
GG: I think it’s great :)  
GG: John, whoever you choose to date, I fully support you!!  
GG: even if they are weird alien guys in a relation I don’t really understand.  
EB: they just kind of did their thing and I had to do mine and it was over before I really understood what was going on.  
TG: brb laughing my ass off  
EB: aaargh!  
EB: dave, I am still not a homosexual.  
GG: oh :(  
EB: why are you sad about that?  
GG: I thought it would be cute if you had a alien boyfriend.  
GG: And I thought it was kind of the point of this memo.  
EB: what? No.  
EB: I just thought it was really fun to watch a movie together like that.  
EB: and I was thinking, maybe we could do something like that too.  
TT: Interesting…….

**Author's Note:**

> Foreshadowing!
> 
> Having started this series to practice the voices of the characters I figured I should also do one featuring the kids. So after the next movie I had planned to be the final, there will be 1 more. So yeah, that's gonna be a thing. Thank god I haven't tackled my favorite Disney movie yet.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading.
> 
> Own opinion on PotC: yeah, it's alright. It's a bit overrated but harmless and fun. Jack Sparrow is a blast and a great character and even though it is very staged, the fight's have a great feel to them that reflects its origin as a amusement park ride. But Will and Elizabeth are so boring....... To this day I havent watched Pirates 3.


End file.
